


Umbrage

by ohfreckle



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Jaeger pilot snuggles, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 17:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohfreckle/pseuds/ohfreckle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Chuck got hurt instead of Herc and had to stay back?</p><p>In a world free from its greatest threat and that no longer needs heroes, there’s nothing left for him, and ironically there’s only one man who can relate to how he feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Umbrage

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick thing because I really have a lot of feelings about Chuck Hansen. Why is it that I always pick the emotionally stunted assholes?
> 
> A translation into Chinese is available [here](http://www.mtslash.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=95752&extra=page%3D1).

Striker Eureka and Herc are gone and Chuck never knew he could feel this lonely in the middle of a crowd.

He watches and cheers with the rest as Becket and Mori blow up the ugly beast that killed his dad and send Slattern right back to the hell it came from. Inside Chuck is numb, detached and stuck in a loop of _gonegonegone_ , but he breathes a sigh of relief when the war clock finally stops. Even he isn't that much of an asshole that he wouldn't care about the end of the world.

Without windows there's neither day or night in Chuck's small room, just one hour of semidarkness slipping slowly into the next. He curls up on his bed, with Max pressed tightly to his side, and says fuck you to the world.

There's a knock on his door, sometime during the second day, but he ignores it and also Max's excited wuffle, too aching to care.

The pain in his arm is nothing compared to the one that's eating him from inside.

It's like a burning hole of _absence_. Instead of the connection he'd shared with Herc, fused from a lifetime of reluctant respect and shared memories, there's--- nothing. No father, no battle to fight, _no fucking purpose_.

Who needs war heroes in a world without a threat?

He'll end up just like Becket, a washed up ex-Ranger, useless and with nowhere to go. Chuck barks a laugh that tastes like acid, but the irony of it all is what pulls him finally out of his funk.

The metal of the wall feels pretty amazing against the knuckles of his good hand, but Max doesn't seem to be impressed.

`****`

When Chuck finally drags himself to the mess hall, all eyes are on him. There are less people sitting at the tables than two days ago, some of them probably already on their way home, celebrating life. 

Those that are still here are looking at him differently, something like pity instead of the respect and admiration he's used to, that he _deserves_. Chuck tries to ignore them and wrestles with his dinner tray, belatedly realizing that punching the wall with his good hand probably wasn't his smartest move. 

"Here, let me help you with that."

Chuck tenses, his hackles rising at the quiet words and the fingers curling around his tray. Of course Becket would come and rub it into his face that he came out on top.

"I don't need your help," Chuck growls, staring at Becket who looks all neat and freshly shaven, just like a good little war hero. "Go and play the good samaritan somewhere else."

Chuck shoulders past Becket and manages to carry his meal to an empty spot at the end of a table, but only barely. By the time he sits down his hand is killing him, and half of his drink has spilled onto the tray.

He keeps his head down while he awkwardly shovels food in his mouth. Nobody talks to him, but his neck prickles as if somebody is staring at him. When he looks up, he meets Becket's eyes, and he'll be damned if he's the first one to look away.

`****`

Maybe he'll never eat another meal in peace. 

Chuck skips dinner and has a power bar for breakfast, but he's barely sat down for lunch when Becket slips into the seat across from him.

For a second Chuck actually considers moving to another seat. Becket may be a decent pilot, but something about the guy just rubs him the wrong way. Maybe it's the puppy eyes, fuck if he knows, but Chuck's not going to give him the satisfaction of fleeing from his own damn table. 

"We missed you at the celebration," Becket says, breaking the aggressive silence. He looks at Chuck in that quiet and earnest way he has. It makes Chuck's skin crawl. 

"Why, did you want to laugh at the guy who had to send his old man to finish the job," Chuck bites out and viciously stabs a pea. 

"No, because you belonged there," Becket replies quietly, and then Mori slips into the seat next to him, and suddenly Chuck can't breathe.

He understands now what Herc wanted to teach him when he said jealousy was an ugly thing. Their connection is so obvious, something special that he only had glimpses of with Herc, and now he'll never have it. 

Chuck feels like he's choking on it.

He stands abruptly, dishes clattering loudly, and leaves, Max on his heels.

`****`

He's on his way to the gym when pain explodes through Chuck so suddenly that he stumbles and falls flat on his ass.

"I should have known your thick skull is hard as a rock," Becket curses above him.

He's shaking his hand and flexing his fingers, but considering that Chuck's head is still ringing and he'll have a shiner the size of Australia that's only a small comfort.

"What the fuck is _wrong_ with you, asshole," Chuck grits out, gingerly touching his cheekbone.

"What's wrong with _me_ ," Becket asks, furious, and now the guy finally shows that there's some life in him. 

"I don't care about the lonesome rider bullshit you're pulling here. If you want to be a prick and ignore any attempt at civilized conversation, fine, be my guest, but you're not going to do it to Mako."

"Afraid that the hard-to-get card will make your girlfriend hot, huh," Chuck grins toothily at him. He probably deserves the second punch.

"God, you're such a tool."

Becket rubs a hand over his lips and exhales shakily. He offers his hand to Chuck, and he looks so goddamn sincere that Chuck can't help but to accept it. 

"You pack a pretty hard punch," he admits. "Seems like I'll have to reevaluate my opinion about you. Anyone who can knock me down like that and kill a Category V Kaiju can't be a total loser."

Becket's startled laugh makes his whole face light up. Maybe a friendly face is what Chuck needed all along, but he accepts the invitation for drinks. 

He's not sure who's more surprised about that.

`****`

Drinks turn out to be an awkward affair of sitting side by side at the small bar tucked into a corner of the mess hall, and staring into their beers.

It's not bad, though, so they do it again the next evening, and the next one, too. There really isn't much else to do.

"Fucking reporters," Chuck gripes. He takes a swig of Becket's beer, because his own bottle is empty and the bar closed some time ago. 

He stabs a finger into Becket's chest. "Don't give me that look, Becket, you _owe_ me, and more than just beer. Everyone just wants me to talk about the great war heroes Raleigh Becket and Mako Mori, and how I'm coping with Her-- my dad's death."

"That's a valid question, maybe you should ask it yourself some time, it might do you good. And for God's sake, will it kill you to call me _Raleigh_?"

"Can I call you Ray?" 

"If you like, _Chucky_ ," Raleigh smirks. 

`****`

They end up in Raleigh's room. 

Raleigh holds up another beer questioningly, being a rockstar does have its perks after all, but Chuck shakes his head. Ranger training is--- _was_ strict, and after three beers he's feeling more than a little buzz.

"You know, if you want to talk, I'm a good listener," Raleigh offers quietly. 

They're sitting on the bed because these rooms are so tiny there's no space for decent chairs. Chuck lets himself flop onto his back and stares up the ceiling.

"I don't know if I can," he sighs.

"Herc was a good man and a great pilot."

"Jesus, can you just _not_. Don't you ever shut up," Chuck grunts. All he wants to do is think about nothing, not the past and not a blank future.

"You do know that you're an egotistical jerk with daddy issues," Raleigh grunts back.

He looks down at Chuck. He doesn't really seem mad, actually there's a small smile playing around his lips. It's nice for a change, Chuck thinks, people don't smile around him a lot.

"I lost my partner, too. I know it's hard, so you get one free pass. One."

`****`

Chuck wakes up slowly to the strange sensation of a warm body curled around him. He instantly knows it's Raleigh, there's no way to mistake the hard planes of muscle for a woman's body.

He tenses, and his first instinct is to get the fuck away -- _too much too close_. But when Raleigh snuffles in his sleep and slides an arm around Chuck's middle, pressing even closer, Chuck can't make himself move. 

He lies very still for a long time, soaking up the quietly offered comfort. 

He doesn't have to think about the last time he'd been with somebody like this, just close, without anything sexual between them. The answer is never. 

Joining the PPDC at fifteen, Chuck dedicated all his time and energy to become the best Jaeger pilot. He succeeded, but there never was an opportunity or even the desire for more than quick sex.

There's the softest brush of lips against his neck, the bed dipping and the rustle of clothes, and then Raleigh is gone.

It doesn't feel right.

`****`

Chuck barely has time to slip into his own room to shower and change, then he's already on his way to another press thing where everybody seems to have forgotten that he's a pilot, too.

At least it's mercifully short. The reporters jot down his answers to their lackluster questions, and then they're already on their way to Raleigh and Mori.

The last person he expects to intercept him on his way out is Gottlieb.

Chuck is stunned enough by the guy's nerve that he doesn't even react at the bony finger stabbing his chest.

"You should show a little respect to Miss Mori," Gottlieb tells him with another stab. He has guts, Chuck will give him that, and he's not wrong. Chuck used to be able to respect a good pilot.

"Fair enough, I'll keep it in mind," he says, nodding his head. 

Gottlieb looks like he's having a heart attack, and Chuck smirks, giving him a little salute. 

His neck prickles when he makes his way out slowly. He doesn't have to look back to know that Raleigh's watching him.

`****`

"Did Gottlieb chew you a new one?" Raleigh asks later. 

They're back on Raleigh's small bed. It's still early because they decided to skip the bar and drink here in peace. 

"Actually, he did," Chuck nods, clinking their beers together. "Gave me the speech about respecting Mori." 

"Guy's a genius," Raleigh says. Chuck doesn't disagree with him. 

"I wasn't prepared to end up like this, alone, with nowhere to go. I always thought I'd die a hero, and now I might end up just like you."

Chuck laughs harshly. He's beginning to accept that truth, but he'll never be ok with it.

"Kind of funny, isn't it. I'm the ex-pilot nobody gives a shit about, and you're the rockstar. I never saw _that_ coming."

"People still respect you, if you would only let them. You're not alone," Raleigh murmurs. 

His arm slips slowly around Chuck's shoulder, so very carefully, pulling him closer, and Chuck lets him, barely stopping himself from leaning into Raleigh's side. 

"Easy to say for you, you still have _her_ ," Chuck says. His whole body is curled tight, because it fucking hurts to admit that, but he doesn't pull away. "I have only emptiness left in my head."

"I still have her," Raleigh admits. "But not like I want to have you, if you'll let me." He strokes a finger over Chuck's cheek. "Are we going to pretend this isn't happening?"

Raleigh's lips are warm and dry against Chuck's, a little rough. Chuck kisses back, just a soft press of lips that has his heart hammering so hard that Raleigh can't miss it. 

It's only when Raleigh sighs into their kiss, a small hitching breath full of want and sorrow, that Chuck realizes that Raleigh is hurting, too. Old memories that he can't forget, and fear of what the future will bring, because a world at peace, however short that may be, has no need for Jaeger pilots.

They stay like that, small nipping kisses and the slide of lips against bristly skin, and Raleigh's heart under Chuck's hand hammers just as hard as his own. 

It feels right.

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all feedback is much appreciated! For updates, snippets and whinings on my fics, feel free to add me on [tumblr](http://ohfreckle.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](http://twitter.com/ohfreckle)


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